Smartphones and social media promised to connect us, but we’re discovering they come with a price. While technology makes it easier to communicate, they also have some significant downsides—especially in relationships.
Invisible Dangers: Behind the endless scrolling and notifications, something deeper is happening in your relationship, and it’s not just about missing a conversation. The silent damage caused by phone addiction is reshaping marriages in ways many couples never see coming, until it’s too late.
Research, like that from Jean Twenge, shows teens who overuse social media are more likely to face mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and sleep deprivation. Even U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy recently warned of a mental health crisis among children, largely fueled by excessive social media use.
But this issue isn’t just for teens. Adults, including married couples, are feeling the impact of constant phone use in their relationships, and the consequences can be quite serious.
The Effect of Smartphones on Relationships
Even though the majority of research focuses on teens and young adults, excessive smartphone use affects older generations too.
In a study led by Jean Twenge for the IFS, 15% of parents reported they use their phones “almost constantly” during family meals, conversations, or events. This constant distraction has led to a growing body of evidence showing that our closest relationships—like marriages—are suffering.
One study of 145 adults found that “phubbing” (using your phone and ignoring your partner) leads to greater dissatisfaction in relationships.
Marriage therapist Andrew Sofin has says smartphones have caused more disruption in relationships than anything he’s seen in 25 years of practice.
Couples are finding themselves lying in bed, scrolling or playing games, rather than talking to one another.
Phone Distraction and Its Impact on Marriage
According to a new survey by the Institute of Family Studies/Wheatley Institute, over a third of married Americans (37%) say their spouse is often on the phone when they’d prefer to spend quality time together.
The problem is even more pronounced among lower-income couples, where 44% report this issue, compared to 31% of higher-income couples.
Younger couples are also more likely to struggle with phone distractions. About 44% of married adults under 35 say their spouse is on the phone too much, compared with 34% of those aged 35-55.
Interestingly, this issue crosses boundaries of education, political affiliation, and even church attendance, affecting everyone in some capacity.
The constant distraction caused by phones can have serious consequences on marital satisfaction. Couples who report frequent phone distractions are less likely to be happy in their marriages, with only 59% saying they are “very happy,” compared to 81% of couples who don’t face this issue.
The odds of contemplating divorce are also higher for couples dealing with phone addiction—about 26% of those couples fear their marriage could end in divorce, compared to just 7% among those without phone issues.
Smartphones And Marriage Quality
Beyond general frustration, phone addiction can lead to more serious marital problems. Couples who struggle with phone overuse tend to have less frequent sex and fewer date nights—both key factors in maintaining a healthy relationship.
About 44% of couples dealing with phone addiction report having sex less than once a week, and 23% have gone as long as 12 months without any intimacy.
Regular date nights are also less common among these couples. Nearly 60% of them say they rarely go on dates, compared to 48% of couples who don’t face phone-related issues.
It’s clear that excessive phone use can create a cycle of disconnection. Couples spend less time talking, engaging in activities together, or being intimate, which in turn leads to more marital dissatisfaction.
Breaking the Cycle of Smartphone Addiction
Is it the phone addiction causing marital problems, or are unhappy spouses turning to their phones to avoid difficult conversations? The answer is likely a combination of both. Smartphones are designed to be addictive, and it’s easy to lose track of time while scrolling through social media or playing games. But the lack of real connection is also feeding into pre-existing marital challenges.
The impact of phone addiction is particularly troubling for lower-income couples, who already face more fragile marriages. As many lower-income couples lack the broader social networks that can provide support, the strain caused by smartphone distractions can further weaken their marriages.
Couples need to prioritize real, meaningful time together to combat this growing issue. Routine conversations, regular dates, and even small gestures of connection can make a significant difference. Time intentionally spent together.
Tommy Armstrong